Last Week- - - Post MSF. Monday night.

And for the first time I've realized, I don't know what I want beyond getting my M.D.. For soo long, this has been the goal. For so long I had this general idea that I would grow up and get married and have a family and work. Now that I am confident in my ability to gain my M.D., I find that I don't quite know what will be next. And that is exciting. Incredibly exciting.

Earlier this week I was rejected from the International Service Program to go to Honduras, which was half sad. I kinda knew that I botched the interview but I wasnt terribly shaken by the news that I didnt get in (although I kind of expected I would)...my first response was "it wasn't meant to be". And I really believe that. I have such faith now that I am where I am suppose to be, that whatever comes my way, what I have and who I am is all a gift from the Lord. I am confident that I will end up where I should this summer, and I'm really excited to see what I'll be doing.

Recently my interest has been peeked in pediatric oncology (but maybe that's just from watching too many St. Jude's commercials over Thanksgiving break)... I still don't know if I would be able to bear it but it's an interesting idea. And I've ALWAYS been interested in infectious disease and pediatrics and more recently global health. After watching the MSF documentary, I came away realizing that MSF should not be my goal. It is a good ambition to have, to do that sometime in my life but it's not necessarily the next thing or the biggest thing. Right now, I just know it would be awesome to do one day, and hopefully I'll have that chance.



Today, all I know is that tonight I have to study head & neck to do well (hopefully as well as I did on the midblock ) on Friday's exams. In my future, I know that next year (and semester, the start of "Phase II") will be even harder. But I will adjust. Then I will probably be in Round Rock for my clinical years. Who knows who will be in my life then or after that. Hopefully I will be able to keep some of the great friends I'm making now, but I know the only thing you can be sure of is change. So for now, I am happy with now. What I have right now is perfect for now. And hopefully, I'll find some direction about where to go next, all in due time.

Oh and p.s. that documentary made surgery look awesome. Still don't think I would want that life but just saying...

and p.s.s. if anyone is reading this, I hope they do something that challenges them. Do something that scares you. It's quite exciting. Even if you end up getting owned by rock walls and walk away a little shaken up.